lolotheveggie (lolotheveggie) wrote,

Sick, But It Could Be Worse

Quick update on this thing known as my life.
When I was in middle school, I was diagnosed with clinical anxiety, when I went to High School, they told me I have depression, then said I must have both because the medication wasn't taking care of the depression. Now 'they' (lots of people...) are telling me I'm bipolar.


How the hell can I be bipolar? Other than the way this entry in sounding. I told my dad they thought I was bipolar and he said I was the calmest manic depressive (what bipolar used to be called) that he ever met. I told my mom, who worked in the court system all her life and she couldn't believe it...of course the bipolars she met were usually the ones that had psychotic episodes. I (that I know of) do not. So I'm now on all sorts of drugs, not that I care if they help, but there is this one drug and it's making me have nightmares really, really bad. The other night I dreamed that my cousin was kidnapped, raped, and the only reason I knew she came back home was because she updated her facebook profile picture, but she still didn't want to talk about her kidnapping. Yeah, it sounds weird but when you're having the dream, thats kinda creepy.

Also, google is a blessing and a curse. I went online and googled the medication that I'm taking and they said that it was common for the pills to morph from nightmares into night terrors in about three months time. I have been on these pills for one month, and this is the state of my dreams right now, I can't imagine what can happen next. It's one of those things, that you have to choose, feeling better during the day vs. feeling better at night.

Also, I got another sleep study done, and my neurologist thinks that I have narcolepsy - goody. No wonder I was always falling asleep in class and forgetting things - I was probably sleeping when someone told me. This is a case that I'm happy about though. The medication for this just keeps me awake for a couple hours and doesn't turn me into a zombie.

I have a sneaking suspicion though that my family doctor talked to my new neurologist about the neurosurgeon that he sent me to before him. The neurosurgeon just kind of kicked me out of his office, telling me the numbness that I'm feeling in my feet has nothing to do with the fact I have a bulging disk and told me the only part of me that should be feeling numb was the left side of my left foot - not my toes. I kind of resented the fact that he told ME where I should be feeling numb. Like I couldn't feel it for myself - dumbass. Anyway, my new doc, in an attempt to not kick me out for toe numbness (diabetes and a few other things have been ruled out already btw) ordered a gazillion blood tests - and you want to know what he found? Something wrong with my LUNGS. What the hell??? Now my head doctor is telling me something is up with my lungs. On the bright side, I'm having a doctor thats actually doing something for me, primarily everything because they don't know what is wrong with me.

Back to my lungs though, he thinks that I have something called sarcoidosis (google it yourself, I'm not writing an explanation here, to long) and it attacks all the organs in the body, but primarily the lungs. I, once again because I'm a retard, googled this. DON'T GOOGLE THIS CRAP IF YOUR DOCTOR THINKS YOU HAVE IT!!!! IT WILL ONLY SCARE THE LIVING CRAP OUT OF YOU!! Actually, in this case, it wasn't that bad. A lot of treatments and all that, and sometimes it just went away on its own. But then I started reading the signs and symptoms - you want to know what else has those same signs and symptoms? Histoplasmosis. Now, you're probably going, how the hell do you know what the symptoms for histoplasmosis is? Easy - I have ocular histoplasmosis. This occurs when you get histo in the lungs and the spores move from the lungs into the eyes. I always get scared whenever I have a one day flu, because there is a chance that I'm going to lose part of my vision soon after it. Usually though, there are no signs that make people worry about my lungs. "You're young, you'll be fine. You just got unlucky because it went into your retina." But what if there was damage to my lungs? What if I have a fungus there that isn't going away? I got POHP (Presumed Ocular Histo Plasmosis) when I was 11. I'm 22 now, that's a lot of time for a fungus to damage the lungs. It might also explain why I got staph infection, why I got a virus on my foot (fine, its warts, none of you people can see my feet anyway) I have over a hundred of warts on my foot that my docs say my healthy young body SHOULD be able to fight off, but I keep getting more!

On the bright side, maybe they are figuring out what is wrong with me finally - hopefully.

Tags: commentary: anxiety, commentary: depression, commentary: health

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